Tribute to my Grandfather

My Grandpa Don passed away yesterday. He was 88 years old, and had suffered several broken bones because of a fall a week and half before his death. A few days after his fall, he came down with pneumonia – and it soon became a matter of treating his pain rather than his symptoms. He finally saw his Savior and rejoined my grandmother who had preceded him in death early Tuesday morning.

Over these last few days, I’ve reflected on my relationship with grandpa and how it’s evolved. Ever since Grandma Ada died several years ago, my grandpa had changed in radical ways. Grandma was the perfect complement for Grandpa – the ideal “yin” to his “yang” if you will. Once she was out of his life, grandpa soon became a different person – his behavior seemed to mimic more of a 15 year old. I really struggled with this – and frankly still do as I think about him.

My response to these changes was to slowly withdraw from Grandpa. I still wonder if this was the right reaction, but it was the way I chose to cope. It seemed to be the safest action to take since grandpa had a hard time remembering who I was when we did spend time together – so I felt that if he didn’t remember me, then why should I put myself through the pain of seeing him trail off and not recollect much.

It wasn’t all lost over these years though. Last fall, on our annual trip to the farm so our kids can see the harvest, we took grandpa out for dinner. This evening proved to be a positive, memorable experience. Grandpa seemed more alert, more attentive, and recalled more about me than he had in the past. He even tried to understand computers and what I do for my work. This is no small feat – and it proved unsuccessful (like many other family members though) – but I really appreciated the effort nonetheless. The time was so enjoyable, and he even engaged my young children – something that I don’t recall happening from him in their lives to that point.

That evening brought back some of my last memories being with my Grandma before she died. My wife and I spent the afternoon with grandpa and grandma at their little apartment playing Skip-bo, enjoying some of grandma’s treats, and listening to them talk about their lives during WW 2 and living on the farm.

In the big picture, my grandpa never lived a flashy or notorious life. He was a cook in the army during WW2, and was a farmer well into his late 60’s. Grandpa worked whatever odd jobs he could to make ends meet until his last days. He and grandma never had much monetarily – this was the case before the government foreclosed on their small farm in the early 80’s, and was certainly the case as they emerged from foreclosure with hardly a penny to their names when most people are well into retirement years.

So I’ve thought about these questions: What difference in this world did my grandpa make? He was certainly a husband, father, grandfather, and great grand-father – but what if any significance can we take out of his life? In what ways could we deem his life a tangible success?

Perhaps providentially, I found the answer to these questions while reading a book on the topic of leadership by author John Maxwell just last weekend during his final days alive. In it Maxwell writes:

“Success is impossible if you achieve outwardly, but fail to take family with you on the journey. The applause of others should never replace the appreciation of one’s family. Respect from others means little if you do not have the respect of loved ones. Make caring for and communicating with family one of life’s priorities.” (From Today Matters)

As I reflected on this quote, I instantly realized my grandfather had success in spades when you look at this family. He fulfilled this definition by Maxwell beautifully...

• He and grandma were happily married for almost 60 years. He had 4 children, 8 grandchildren, and 16 great-granchildren (and still counting).
• Of his 4 children and 8 grandchildren - there have been a total of 11 marriages (with the last grandchild scheduled to be married this coming summer). All 11 marriages still exist today; none have gone through the pain and turmoil of divorce. This is far better than today’s statistics which show that half of all marriages today end in divorce.
• My grandfather can claim children and grandchildren who have contributed to our society as farmers, teachers, college professor, legal clerk, secretary, pastor, college dean of men, lawyer, Air National Guard military service, athletic director, carpenter/builder, homemaker, and one computer geek that’s writing the tribute you’re reading. The only roles in society that are missing on this list are a doctor and politician – but we have high hopes on my youngest cousin Zach for that… :-)
• One of the greatest memories is when my grandpa and grandma showed up at my kindergarten play where I was playing the lead role of the Gingerbread man. One of my classmates had a grandmother who wouldn’t come to the play because it was on her ladies card night. Yet my grandparents dropped everything and set aside their livelihood at the farm to drive the 3+ hours to my play and then back that night so they could get home to milk the cows in the morning. That’s sacrifice. That’s love. That’s a legacy.

Grandpa left a lasting legacy. In the years after grandma died, when he was often asked to pray for the Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner as the patriarch of the family, he would typically comment before the prayer that he “couldn’t believe he was the cause of all this. [such a large and loving family]” In his death I only now begin to understand what he meant.

I love you and will miss you grandpa...


The picture above was taken when I was about 11 months old on his 56th birthday.